Super Duper to the Hooray.

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La veille de mon anniversaire qui ne sera pas comme un anniversaire, je le sais.

Last weekend was a blur.
Karly came over.

Now... I know no one reads this, ever. So I can write whatever I wish to write.
I think it is swell I have that liberty... for this very single moment, at least, I'll consider that my ultimate birthday present. Although it did come a few hours early.

The day of my birth is tomorrow.
My very last day of being this old was wasted, if not wasted it should have been, perhaps erased, anything dramatic of that sort.

I have realized, I have been awaiting tomorrow for quite some time, for a year in fact, and now, thinking about it, I do not wish to be any older, yet I wish to be so much older.

I have also realized that I am ungrateful. The fateful and loyal people around me I do not deserve, the small things in life that were given to me are not deserved by me either.

Fuck-- me, fuck my ways; fuck the way I can never keep my mouth shut, fuck my over-impulsive self, Fuck the way I think of what I will say yet still disregard the thought of the right things I should and still stick to my stubborn ways, fuck it all... fuck the ways my sentences are Proust-long, fuck the way I hate where I live, fuck the way I hate most people here- yet am so trusting of them, admire them somehow- in fact I would believe every word uttered out of their silly mouths and again and again be proven to not trust them, yet I cannot learn.

Fuck it all.

most of all,
fuck tomorrow,
well, I don't really have to, tomorrow is fucked anyways, whether I decide to fuck it or not.

Shiiiit foreigners are weird. [would that be me referring to everyone else, or everyone else referring to me- perhaps both.]

8:04 p.m. - 2006-12-05

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Shabby

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